Literally Charmed II
by Jake1
Summary: Second installment of "Literally Charmed"; a humorous look on the errors the show creates.


A/N: Aw, c'mon. You know the drill. I don't own these people. Spelling and his posse do. Don't get in a frenzy all over this fic. It's just a humor little thing.  
  
Literally Charmed...Again  
  
It was a rainy night in San Fran as the three sisters lounged about the parlor, keeping themselves entertained. Phoebe laid on the loveseat, flipping through the TV Guide while Paige and Piper shared the couch, listening to a Walkman and doing the books respectively.  
  
At the sound of giggling and screams, all three sisters lifted their heads up, looking at the stairs in disgust.  
  
"Sorry!" came Leo's voice, loud and shrill. "Me and Cole are just...watching cartoons!!" he giggled. Piper raised an eyebrow, remaining disbelieving and silent. Phoebe scoffed, going back to her TV Guide, staring at the article on Brad Pitt.  
  
Paige looked at her sisters and yelled in reply, "YEAH, RIGHT!"  
  
Then, all was silent until Leo and Cole's voices shattered the peace. "SAY IT, LEO!" Cole shouted followed by a whip cracking.  
  
"You're my big sugar daddy, Cole!" Leo screamed in moans as Piper ran to the downstairs bathroom in nausea. Paige had a look of unbelievable horror on her face as Phoebe stood up, indignantly.  
  
"Is that my whip?!" she shouted, approaching the stairs and ascending them.  
  
Paige looked at Phoebe like she was insane and got up, walking to the window. "Piper!" she shouted, peering outside the window.  
  
"What?! What?!" Piper ran in the room, her hands poised as if she was to freeze or blow up something.  
  
"Your car is red!" Paige gaped. "It was blue when I saw it last."  
  
"Oh yeah," Piper dismissed. "I cast a spell to upgrade my out of style car."  
  
Paige nodded. "I used that on my wardrobe!" Just then, Phoebe came running downstairs, screaming.  
  
"What?!" Piper shouted again.  
  
Phoebe trembled pointing at the stairs. "Leo and Cole are having sex!!!" At the "duh" glances Piper and Paige shot her, she asked, "what?!"  
  
"That was a given, Phoebe," Piper scoffed, sitting back down on the couch.  
  
"Piper?" Phoebe asked. "Shouldn't you be at P3?"  
  
"P wha?" Piper replied with an inquiry.  
  
"Your club...you've barely been there since...what's-her-name died."  
  
"PRUE!" Piper shouted. "IT'S PRUE, YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE WHORE!"  
  
"Whore?!" Phoebe shouted back, pushing back some now brunette hair. "I resemble that comment!"  
  
"Eh?" Paige asked her older sister with a confused face.  
  
"I dunno," Phoebe shrugged. "Hell, I can't get a job at a customer complaints counter, what good am I?"  
  
Just then, Leo walked in, the biggest grin ever. "Hey!" he smiled at his wife and sister in laws.  
  
"Leeeeeoo!" Phoebe moaned, climbing over the couch to get to him. "Oh, Leo you smell so good!"  
  
"What are you talking about?!" Paige asked in disgust. "He smells like sex and Cole!"  
  
Phoebe regarded her sister in wonder. "What's so icky about that smell?"  
  
"Go figure," Paige snorted, pulling a lollipop out and sucking on it. "Hello, where are all my love interests that I see for like an hour's worth of combined time and then never see again?" she demanded.  
  
"Who knows?" Leo asked.  
  
"Yo, Leo," Cole addressed the whitelighter, coming down the stairs.  
  
"Yes, Cole?" Leo immediately responded, shoving Phoebe aside.  
  
Cole smiled at Leo and asked, "can you take me to rob a bank?" He grinned and leaned in. "We'll orb in the vault, have some...fun...and grab the money. Whaddya say?"  
  
"Okay!" Leo piped up, smiling.  
  
"Leo!" Paige scoffed. "You can't do that!"  
  
"Okay!" Leo responded, smiling.  
  
"Oh, Leo," Cole admonished. "You know you wanna."  
  
"Okay!" Leo agreed, smiling.  
  
"Leo, don't you wanna stay here with me and roll around in mud while doing sexual, orgasmic things?" Phoebe inquired, batting her eyelashes.  
  
"Okay!" Leo affirmed, smiling.  
  
"Leo," Paige smiled evilly. "I think there's a demon in Victoria's Secret. Maybe we should orb there and take everything before he gets it!"  
  
"Okay!" Leo replied, smiling.  
  
"Leo!" Piper shouted, interjecting.  
  
"Piper?" Paige asked. "Where'd you come from?"  
  
"I've been standing RIGHT NEXT TO YOU!" Piper exploded.  
  
"Grrr!" Phoebe snarled, jumping at Paige, who screamed as she was tackled.  
  
"Piper!!?" Paige asked, attempting to fight the beast off. "What's wrong with Phoebe?!"  
  
Piper looked over at her younger sisters. "Wow. Been a while since Phoebe randomly turned evil for no good reason other than because of her past."  
  
"Okay!" Leo nodded, smiling.  
  
"Leo!" Piper scolded, whacking him on the backside of the head. "Stop that!" She inserted a quarter in his ear and watched it disappear as she pressed his nose. "Go find us some information on whatever is going to attack us soon." Leo nodded.  
  
"Okay!" With that, he orbed away.  
  
Paige finally managed to wrestle Phoebe off of her. She delivered a resounding slap and took deep heaves, trying to get her breath back. She staggered a bit and leaned against the wall, calming herself.  
  
However, before she could do that, the wall gave out, collapsing. Paige screamed, falling down with it. "What the hell!?"  
  
"Damn!" Piper shouted, observing the debris. "I knew I shouldn't have let Cole and Leo fix it...oohh," she realized. "I should've taken it figuratively when they said "let us do it,"."  
  
Suddenly, the soul ferrier demon burst in, laughing.  
  
"Hey," Phoebe said, pointing at her. "She's the demon that was after me and Prue when you were in Hawaii. She looks different."  
  
"I have to," the ferrier replied. "All demons look different when they come back."  
  
"Except me," Cole piped up.  
  
The ferrier scowled. "Yes, except him..." She sniffed the air and smiled. "Catch ya later!" With that said, she disappeared in a puff of smoke.  
  
"Wow," Phoebe commented, looking at her wrists. "Piper, I have tactoos."  
  
"Me too, Pheebs." Piper blinked, looking at her own wrists. "They aren't very attractive either."  
  
"Anyone heard from Morris?" Phoebe wondered out loud.  
  
"Nope," Piper responded. "We only care about him when we need too....these are really strange tactoos...where did we get them?"  
  
"Piper?" Phoebe asked. "How old am I?"  
  
"Well, even though you should have just turned 27, you actually just turned 28." Piper put her arms back down. "Hey, since you are 28, it means it's been ten years since you managed to graduate from high school. Since it's January, you'll have your ten year high school reunion soon." Just then Paige raced for the stairs.  
  
"Hey!" Piper shouted, following her. As the four of them entered the attic, Piper inqured, "what are you doing?"  
  
Paige thumbed through the book. "It's been 36 hours since I screwed something up...I need to do something else."  
  
"Oh." With that uttered, Piper and Cole exited the room quickly. Cole raced back in and helped an oblivious Phoebe leave.  
  
"Ooh, this looks like fun," Paige giggled, taking out a lollipop. She stuck it in her mouth and placed a hand on the rocking chair. "What's mine is your's, what's your's is mine, let our powers cross the line, I offer up this gift to share, switch our powers through the air."  
  
Silence.  
  
"Piper's car is pink!!"  
  
"Is Piper here?"  
  
"YES FOR THE LAST TIME!"  
  
More silence.  
  
Paige blinked as the rocking chair began to orb things off of it. She slowly began rocking back and forth, making creaking sounds.  
  
"Oh...*creak*...dammit, I *creak* screwed up *creak*...again."  
  
The End! 


End file.
